Reflections on surgery…

In light of the rather extensive reconstructive surgery, which doctors are considering a "calculated risk", I thought I would take this opportunity to address a common question asked of me by those who are "concerned". Now I am not talking about the kind of concern that hopes the risks associated with the procedure are not manifested, or those who are concerned about the couple weeks of even more intense pain that may follow. What I mean are those who are concerned that my belief system doesn't include the kinds of superstitions and fundamentalism that bring them comfort.

You can be sure that among those who love me most dearly, are a number of folks who simply cannot conceive of why I continue not to accept their idea of a personal god or saviour... and why I don't find such things important or comforting. "What if God gets mad at him for not believing, and lets him die, and he will never be saved?" they wonder, and chat among themselves. "Oh, I am so worried that he's turned his back on God and religion..." others whisper, "it just breaks my heart."

What these genuinely warm, wonderful and loving individuals don't comprehend is that my philosophy and spirituality has changed very little, aside from deepening, from the time I was fifteen or sixteen. Following a spiritual experience or what commonly gets labelled as a "vision" (waking dream) on the Feast of the Pascha, in 1979, I suddenly realised that all of the religious figures were metaphors for the Ground of Being... and that you and I are too.

The Greek word, eucharistia, means thanksgiving. I have always found my spirituality to be a eucharistically-centred spirituality. True peace and gratitude are not the feelings of "comfort" that people get from clinging to their idea of the Great Cosmic Babysitter or Yahweh the Punishing Nanny concepts. True spiritual peace -- an unshakable calm, emptiness, is a way of interpreting the world. For an authentic follower of the Buddha or the Christ, there is a simple awareness that although it is difficult to change the world, it is always possible to change the way we perceive the world. By starting with perception, we can transform entire universes. And that awareness makes it virtually impossible to move from a base of shear gratitude.

For this reason, I don't feel the need to turn my understanding of the Void, or the Stillness, as the mystics and saints have called it, into a caricature... a reflection of the hostilities, intolerance, selfishness and insecurities we experience as individuals, and then elevate (egotistically) as our "god". Instead, I live in the only moment any of us ever has... right here, right now... and try to touch the wonders that exist within and without, realising that those wonders are all part of the cosmic dream, and I am both the dreamer and the dream itself.

When we don't place such artificial importance on ourselves, there is no need for that "safety net" that believes God or Goddess will save you, us, them, and punish the ones who don't walk the same path. In fact, if there were a God that resembled the God of any of the Abrahamic religions, I would not want to be anywhere near it, because frankly, I would have to consider that God, according to the descriptions, to be a real asshole!

Instead, I am content with the awareness that what the primitive minds conceive as "God" is actually Love, and I believe in Love. Love allows me to cultivate a mind that neither clings nor repels, and thereby allows me to move through the experiences of happiness and pain, accomplishment and failure, success and frustration, without losing my balance for long.

So instead of worrying whether I will survive the 4-6 hours of surgery, I am more content simply sitting with the awareness of how fortunate I am to have the love of my parents, my family (both biological and extended), an incredible companion and partner, good friends, wonderful students and thousands of readers, who desire the best for me in any given moment. And of those folks, rather than wringing your hands and hearts on Monday, and instead of worrying about why I don't embrace your particular religious beliefs, do something that will really help me to "make it"...

Do something nice for someone on Monday, for no reason at all. That kindness will transform the world. And healing is always easier in a more loving environment.

I will be fine, no matter what the outcome. And I will go into surgery with a heart filled with love for each of you, and all sentient beings, truly believing that whatever pains I endure can be offered as a substitution for the pains of others. Even if nothing more than an exercise in compassion and awareness, I believe it too, will help transform the world.

Namasté!

-- dharmacharya gurudas sunyatananda

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