Expectations

A dear friend of mine has been going through some very difficult and frustrating times lately. She's an incredibly warm, patient and generous person, and someone who is on a very clear, serious spiritual path. Still, she is dealing with family members and other individuals, in an arduous and drawn-out process that is taking a toll on her.

Her situation stimulated me to consider how important it is for us to always guard ourselves against developing expectations of others -- something I have had to work on constantly myself.

Expectations always give rise to suffering.

Whenever I allow myself to place expectations on another person or situation, I am setting myself up for disappointment. More importantly, however, when I place expectations on someone or something, I create a mental barrier, which often prevents me from being aware of what the person or experience actually are bringing to me in that moment.

I might expect that someone who has followed this teaching and does well for themselves financially, could help us to build a social justice centre. But if those expectations create a barrier that makes me feel that if I don't get what I expect out of the relationship, I should discount any value that might be present there, my lack of receptivity will give rise to suffering. What's more, I might miss the possibility that what that person brings to the teaching is a chance for me to be present to their needs, without expectations... which could be something that individual never experienced in their lives.

We must take care not to "pre-conceive" how something or someone should "appear", in order to be of value. Every moment and every experience is of value to us. Our task ought to be to learn to be truly present to the moment, and to let go of preconceptions, expectations and the grasping for what we think ought to occur.

This process of withdrawal of projections, as Jung calls it, is the foundation for the practice of Living Zen. We mindfully and deliberately choose not to run away from life, and allow each experience and expression to wash over us, just as the waves wash over a shell along the shore. Each wave, we know, will eventually recede. Some waves might move us further along; others might set us back a bit. From time to time, a wave may dislodge us from the sand, and seem to toss us about, but in the end, we'll come to rest again along the shore... perhaps a different shore altogether... but rest, nonetheless.

Namasté!

Internationally respected, life coach and teacher, Lama Gurudas Sunyatananda (Dr. F. Gianmichael Salvato, O.C., M.Sc.) is a Buddhist and Franciscan contemplative, and author of the popular book, "The Dharma of Compassion - One Monk's Reflections on the Teachings of the Enlightened and Anointed Ones". He is best known for his on-going contributions to helping people unlock the power of their own minds -- teaching them how to apply that power to create strong, loving relationships, make more money, and live more meaningful, prosperous, health and satisfying lives.

You can join his primary social network and interact with him directly by visiting:
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